


Into the Fire

by hedge_man



Series: Karasuno's Kidnapped Crow [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Recovery, Sadness, Victim Blaming, hopelessness, kageyama and Hinata's slowly budding relationship to help fight against all this angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2018-10-26 05:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10780290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedge_man/pseuds/hedge_man
Summary: (Sequel to Karasuno's Kidnapped Crow)Hinata thought he had seen all the horrors life could through at him, but the recovery process more painful than he had ever expected. Hinata pushes to convict Oikawa and Kindaichi and to get his life back, but society pushes back. With Kageyama by his side, he knows that has jumped out of the frying pan, andInto the Fire





	1. Chapter 1

   When he opened his eyes, the pale wisps of dawn were just creeping over the horizon, slowly lighting up his room.

    _What time is it?_ Kageyama instinctively turned to the right to check the time on his digital clock, but almost jumped when he saw a bright head of fluffy orange hair beside him.

    _Oh, last night._ He sat and thought for a moment, still fuddled by the deep sleep that tried to cling to him. That's when he remembered the kiss, and his face turned almost as red as Hinata's hair. _Oh. Last night._ He smiled to himself, kind of like a giddy child. The prospect that Hinata actually liked him back completely amazed Kageyama.

   Hinata's hair was floofier and messier than he had ever seen it, and that was saying something. Kageyama had always assumed that Hinata came to school with bedhead every morning, but clearly it couldn't be helped.

   Without thinking, Kageyama reached out an felt his hair gently. _So soft,_ he thought as he twirled a tuft between his fingers.

   "Hmm," Hinata whined softly and Kageyama immediately retracted.

   "Are you okay?" Kageyama whispered, but the boy before him was still asleep. Hinata started to shift and moan softly in his sleep, with a pained expression on his face. He was whispering something, but Kageyama couldn't make it out.

   "Hey," he said a little louder. "Are you okay?" He softly grabbed Hinata's shoulder to shake him awake.

   Immediately, Hinata yelped and swung around, smacking Kageyama in the face. "Don't touch me!"

   "Ow ow ow, what the fuck Hinata-boke!!!" Kageyama covered his face with his hands as the stinging subsided.

   "Oh, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Kageyama-san!" Hinata sat up on the bed and looked down at Kageyama until he slowly pulled his hands away from his face. His face adopted a new look of horror. "AH! Kageyama!! I'm so so so so sorry!" Tears we're almost coming to his eyes.

   Kageyama sat up, confused. "Chill out, you didn't hit me that hard."

   Hinata pulled his hands down from his face. "B-but, your face, I think I, I think I bruised it." Unfallen tears sparkled in the corners of his big brown eyes.

   That's when Kageyama saw it, too. Deep purple bruises on Hinata's face. There was a bad one on his right cheek and another on his opposite cheekbone. Wordlessly, he stood and walked to the mirror, Hinata following.

   He got angrier and angrier staring at his reflection, remembering the horrors of last night. You could see clearly on his neck where Oikawa had tried to strangle him, as well as a gross blueish bruise on his chin and lower cheek.

   Silence filled the room as they stared at their reflections, but a million things were passing through their minds, so complex and painful that they could never be articulated.

   Without knowing what else to do, Kageyama pulled Hinata into a hug, and his tears finally began to fall. He didn't make any noise except quiet sniffs as his shoulders shook with silent sobs.

   They stood there for a long time, swaying softly, when Hinata finally pulled his head off of Kageyama's chest, smiling bleakly. "Ah, sorry." Kageyama's shirt was soaked in tears, and maybe even some snot.

   "Nice going, boke," Kageyama shot playfully but gently as the embrace ended. He walked past Hinata and pulled off his shirt, throwing it into a hamper and extracting his volleyball jersey.

   "Oh, crap," Hinata slipped under his breath. Kageyama turned and looked at him questioningly. "My jersey's at my house."

   "It's 5:00 now, and we don't have to be at the bus until 7:30." Kageyama stated as he continued to dress.

   "But my house is really far away.." Hinata looked at the ground.

   "It's no problem, I bet I can bike there faster than you anyways."

   "Uh, no way." Hinata shot back with a competitive bite.

   "Watch me," Kageyama turned on his heel and raced out of the room. Hinata followed, wondering how the heck Kag's parents hadn't woken up yet.

   Kageyama was already putting his shoes on in the entryway while hinata slid down the hallway in Kageyama's overlarge socks. "Wait, wait, wait! I'm still wearing your clothes!"

   "It's okay. I already put your other stuff in the wash, so you can just wear those until we get to your house."

   "Oh, okay." Hinata crouched down to tie his shoes and winced.

   "Hey, are you okay?" Kageyama knew that Hinata had taken a much worse beating than he had. "Are you going to be able to play?"

   Hinata stood quickly, any sign of pain washed from his face. "I'm fine. Let's go." He marched out the front door to his bike and kicked the kickstand up.

   "I know you're hurt, Hinata," Kageyama said quietly. "Just let me ride us there."

   Hinata pouted. He felt like a scolded child, and he hated that, but he also knew that riding up the mountain would be hell like this. "Okay, but isn't two people on a bike illegal?"

   "It's fine, there are no cops around this early." Kageyama leaned forward and patted the seat. "Come on, it'll be fine."

   Kageyama stood above the bar in front of the seat while Hinata clambered on awkwardly. "Okay, grab my shoulders."

   "Huh?"

   "It's okay, just grab my shoulders."

   Hinata warily reached up and put his hands onto Kageyama's shoulders. Although he didn't quite look it, Kageyama's arms were really defined. Hinata had never really noticed how broad his back was, either.

   Hinata blushed gently. This was a side of Kageyama he'd never seen. He was confident, and very persuasive. Hinata had thought Kageyama completely lacked people skills, but for some reason, he felt strongly pulled to his words.

   They started to ride, and Hinata almost lost his balance, gripping hard into the fabric of Kageyama's jacket. He leaned his face against his warm back. "So cool..."

   They stopped suddenly and Hinata almost flew off. "Oh, SHIT!! Helmets!" Luckily they were only halfway down the block when he had noticed.

   Hinata giggled quietly as Kageyama sprinted back down the road. _Cool, but still dorky_.

\--------

   When they finally arrived at Hinata's house, it was about 6:30.  
Kageyama denied being tired at all despite his heavy breathing and sweating.

   "Okay," Hinata whispered, "We've gotta be really quiet because my baby sister is still sleeping, an–"

   "Good morning!" The door swung open and a tiny girl that basically looked like Hinata with pigtails stood before them. She sipped at a mug of coffee. "Who's that?"

   "Hey, gimme that! It'll stunt your growth!" Hinata made a grab for the cup.

   "He's right, you know," Kageyama added. "I mean, look what happened to him."

   "HEY!!"

   "Shhh," Natsu held her finger to her lips. "Mommy and Daddy are still asleep."

   "Oh right." Hinata tiptoed through the house with his party in tow, up a pair of carpeted stairs and into a small room.

   At the foot of his bed was his volleyball uniform, neatly folded and on display. _Cute_ , Kageyama thought. 

   Hinata just shoved his supplies and uniform into his bag out of fear that they would be late. 

   Natsu and Kageyama shuffled out of the room as Hinata gathered himself, and then began to have a conversation of their own as they headed back to the entrance.

   A few minutes later, Hinata walked out the door to see Kageyama setting up his bike.

   "Why are you wearing your mom's helmet?"

   "Because it's cool! What's wrong with that?"

   "It's pink! Can I wear it?"

   "No!" Kageyama stopped bickering with his partner's sister as he walked out the door. "Ready?"

   "Yeah. Bye Natsu! You can see us on TV today!" He began to mount the bicycle.

   "Wait! Why do you guys both have bruises on your faces?"

   Hinata and Kageyama stood frozen. She was so sweet, so innocent. Telling her the truth would break her. "Did you guys have a fight or something?"

   "Oh, um, yeah! Yeah, we did." Hinata looked at Kageyama quickly, who still looked dumbfounded.

   "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that."

   "You better be sorry," Natsu said, squaring up. "I'll beat you up if you hurt my brother!"

   "Ah, definitely! Okay! Bye!" Kageyama sped off and Hinata had to cling onto his chest for dear life as they started the descent down the mountain.

   "Hey, Kageyama, are you actually scared of my little sister?" Kageyama didn't say anything, so Hinata just assumed he couldn't hear him. He snuggled his head into Kageyama's back as they rode.

   When they finally got into a downtown area, they had to hop off to avoid any trouble with the law enforcement. It was already 7:10 and they started to jog. Because of Kageyama's height, Hinata had to run twice as fast just to keep up with his stride.

   "Ow, ow, Kageyama! Wait!" Hinata stopped suddenly and hunched over.

   "What's wrong?" Kageyama doubled back to help him. He didn't necessarily know how to help Hinata, but he wanted to. He felt like a boyfriend should be protective. Were they even boyfriends? Silly questions swarmed in his head, blocking out the current situation.

   "Kageyama! Earth to Kageyama!"

"Oh, sorry. What were you saying?"

    Hinata shifted uncomfortably, looking at his shoes. "I almost forgot earlier, but everyone is gonna notice our injuries. What do we say?"

   "Your sister thought we were in a fight, let's just go with that."

   "Okay, that works." He looked satisfied, and they started walking again. "Oh, and Kageyama?"

   "Yeah?"

   Hinata got a scary look in his eye, the way he sometimes does. It made Kageyama shiver. "We can't tell anyone what happened. No one."

   "Of course."


	2. Chapter 2

   The first thing they saw upon their arrival was Nishinoya and Tanaka hanging halfway out of the windows of the bus and waving their arms. They both appeared to be through the same window, and Nishinoya kept elbowing Tanaka as he tried to reach out further.

   "Hey guys!" Tanaka turned back into the bus and called to their captain: "Daichi-san, they're here!"

   "Oh shit, he's totally gonna kill you," Nishnoya laughed as he also pulled himself out of the window.

   Moments later, a puffed sigh sounded as the bus doors opened, revealing Daichi, not looking nearly as glad to see Hinata and Kageyama as their second year senpais had been. "7:40. You're late." His arms were crossed.

   Kageyama leaned Hinata's bike against the side of the bus and gave a quick awkward bow. "Sorry, Daichi-san. It won't happen again." Their captain stood there silently, as if waiting for something.

   "Oh, oh, uh.." Hinata shook himself out of a daze and quickly bowed deeply. "Sorry for showing up late." The words fell out of his mouth, but they lacked any feeling or sincerity. He seemed distracted and tired.

   Usually, Hinata was bouncy and excited at every time of day, especially early morning, when Kageyama wished he would shut up the most. On top of that, talking to his senpais always flustered him, even when they weren't mad at him. There was no feeling in him at all.

   His energy had changed. Ever since they left Hinata's house, he began to close himself off, thinking up lies to protect himself and Kageyama. It was so unlike him; usually Hinata would do everything in his power to maintain integrity, almost to a childish extent. Even with the truth concealed to the rest of the team, the weight of his silence pressed down on everyone.

   Stares from every teammate washed over them as they shuffled to the back of the bus. Everyone saw their wounds, everyone's burning concern filled the air with a dangerous energy, but still, they remained quiet.

   When Kageyama and Hinata sat, Hinata immediately crossed his arms and closed his eyes, as if he was pretending to be asleep. Even Daichi didn't know how to reassemble his team, so they departed in silence.

   Even with his eyes closed, Hinata could feel their eyes crawling over his skin, could hear them try to formulate answers. His heart was beating so hard it felt that his chest might be bouncing along with it. Hinata squeezed his already closed eyelids tighter and shuffled slightly in order to maintain his stoic shell. He had thought that being with his team could the help heal confusion and fear that swirled in his mind, but he began feeling worse than ever.

   By the time they got to the gym, all of his attempts at strength had dissipated, leaving only deep pitted fear. Tanaka and Nishinoya had tried to talk to him throughout the ride, but had resigned to just watching him nervously when their attempts bounced off of Hinata's emotionless form.

   They got off the bus and shuffled into the building and into a massive wall of people. Hinata distractedly searched the crowd for one specific face while the rest of his team cut the crowd slowly in single file.

   He didn't notice Kageyama until he grabbed the smaller boy's shoulder, making him jump. "Hinata. You're still wearing my clothes."

   "Ah!" The rest of his team had entered the gym and were about to start warming up. Peeling off their team jackets and sweatpants revealed that they were all already wearing their jerseys. "Of course they are, idiot. Just like every other game."

   He paused and shifted nervously. "Um, Kageyama," he looked down at his shoes. "Could you come to the bathroom with me?"

   "What? You want to... Oh, yeah sure." Just as fast as the blush flushed into his cheeks, it was doused out by cold realization.

   Hinata was terrified. His trips to the bathroom usually led him to unexpected meetings with opponents, but today, there might actually be real danger in being alone. What if Oikawa came to finish the job and left Hinata strangled on the bathroom floor? As unlikely as it seemed, Kageyama found himself subconsciously rubbing his bruised collarbone.

   Kageyama walked in front while Hinata shuffled behind him, peeking around his partner every so often just to make sure the coast was clear.

   About five minutes later, the duo entered the gym in the same fashion, and the rest of Karasuno were already passing and practicing spikes and receives. They jogged over to the ball cart, grabbed a volleyball and quickly started passing to attempt to catch up with their teammates' warm up.

   Again, the feeling of the stares overwhelmed Hinata. Not just from his teammates, but from Shiratorizawa and every other person in the entire arena. His uniform's smaller shorts revealed bruises littered over his thighs that looked suspiciously like fingertips. Hinata tugged at the hem of the shorts in a useless attempt to hide himself.

   The warm up was useless. Not only was he in a lot of pain, but the indescribable guilt, shame, and cruel self directed thoughts bounced around in his head. Kageyama was patient, but Hinata's missing every other shot or having to chase a poorly received ball across the gym only gave him more reason to feel worthless and inadequate. By the time the whistle blew, Hinata felt worse than he had all morning, if that was possible. He desperately bit back his tears of frustration as Karasuno made a small circle around Daichi and Coach Ukai.

   The words floated around him, but nothing registered. He was too busy watching his teammates, daring them to stare at him. If eyes met, they would quickly be averted. Most of them made it a conscious effort to not look at him at all, leaving a familiar negative energy tingling around them.

   By the tone of Ukai's voice, Karasuno was already not doing well. It was true. Ever since Hinata walked onto the court, the warm up had become completely unproductive. Everyones' minds had been averted to focus on the affairs of their smallest crow. In a game where focus and mentality is everything.

    _The_ _perfect_ _decoy_ , the thought slipped into Hinata's mind, and he immediately felt sick.  _Just by being here, you're ruining everything._

   Hot tears broke the gates and burned his cheeks. He turned his head and shifted so he could hide behind Kageyama's shoulder as he tried to recollect himself, but once he started, he couldn't stop. He now felt lucky that everyone was doing their best to ignore him.

   After a bit Kageyama stepped out from in front of him and as he tried to to hide again, he realized that they were saying something. A little late, he realized the word they had been repeating for the past 30 seconds had been his name.

   "Yeah?" It came out as a choked sob and he instinctively tried to hide again, but he found that Suga was gently gripping his shoulders. _When had that happened?_

   Hinata wiped his wet cheeks with his forearms and cleared his throat. Suga was still saying something. It felt like he wouldn't be able to hear him unless he looked into his senpai's eyes, but that seemed completely impossible.

   Another set of hands grabbed him from behind and spun him around, and he found himself with his cheek against Kageyama's chest. In all the confusion it felt safe here, and he wanted to cry again out of relief.

   Kageyama leaned down and whispered into his ear: "Everyone's worried about you. You're not in the starting rotation."

   Hinata stepped back and looked into Kageyama's face in surprise. He couldn't understand his expression. The words rang and echoed in his ears. It made sense, but on top of everything, it served to confirm his suspicions.  _Weak. Burdensome. Useless._

   He turned slowly and was met with everyone's concerned faces; even Tsukishima was looking at him expectantly.

   Suga stood with an arm still reaching in his direction with a gentle worried smile on his face. Hinata wanted to say that he was fine, but he knew that the words wouldn't come out. Even if they did, no one would believe him.

   He took Suga's hand and they quickly walked over the bench while everyone looked on. Kiyoko handed him a towel when they sat. She didn't try and ask him any questions or give him some sort of superficial comfort, and he mentally thanked her for that.

   Hinata hadn't realized how tired he was until he sat down, and he was suddenly bombarded by waves of dizzying exhaustion. Maybe it was the stress of the morning so far. Maybe it was the small amount of sleep he'd gotten. Maybe it was the events of last night...

   Hinata quickly lurched forward and fiercely pressed his face to the towel and his forehead to his knees, trying to catch the tears before they fell. Suga continued to rub small circles into Hinata's back as his shoulders began to shake, and as the first whistle blew, he began sobbing.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I've been in Japan for the last month and I feel amazing. Finally remembering what it feels like to have a will to live ;-; Anyways, I hope it was worth the wait! I'm leaving soon ;-;-; but I have another 11 hour flight ahead of me, so expect the following chapter soon!


	3. Chapter 3

     The fight against Shiratorizawa already wasn't going well. Karasuno lost the first match 16-25, and the second seemed like it was going to be a loss too. Every player in the offensive team seemed so powerful, and the group as a whole was cohesive to rival even Nekoma. It was to be expected from a team that consistently played at national level. 

 

     Even with Shiratorizawa's seemingly insurmountable skill level, Karasuno was having difficultly playing their best. It all came down to their smallest crow.

 

     Hinata knew that he was ruining everything. Every missed receive, faulty serve, and blocked spike felt like they were all his fault. 

 

     Suga was still rubbing his back gently and encouragingly, and Hinata guessed that was because he still hadn't stopped crying. The thing about crying in public is that once you stop, the pressure and shame just flows right back in, making you start again. And when you're finally alone,your heart is numb and your eyes won't produce a single tear, despite the pain that still withers inside. Why is the human body so cruel?

 

      Hinata knew the best way to help his team was to be out of sight and out of mind, but there was really nothing he could do. He was terrified to be alone. More than that, he doubted he'd be able to stand without collapsing immediately. The ache he felt was similar to that in the conditioning portion of a sports season, with all those muscles that have been neglected in the off season being reawakened. When you're moving the hurt subsides, but starting from being static would promise immense pain. 

 

     At least, that's all Hinata felt he could liken it to. Something like this had never happened before, and he could admit he'd never quite find the words to explain how it felt to be completely torn apart, both physically and emotionally. As the thought entered his mind, a new wave of tears fell hot on his cheeks,  and he pressed his face into the tear soaked towel that Kiyoko senpai had given him, cursing himself for making himself cry again. Sugawara's hand returned reassuringly to Hinata's shoulder, and Hinata hated himself for making his senpai worry. Making his whole team worry. 

 

     Right now, he just wanted to be with Kageyama. Kageyama had been able to help soothe his mind despite everything. Last night, even hours after Hinata had been kidnapped and assaulted, Kageyama had been able to make him smile and laugh. There was something about him, how he was dorky and stupid but also incredibly caring, it could somehow break Hinata away from his thoughts and prevent him from slipping away. 

 

     But now, they were far apart. Kageyama was standing on the court only 30 ft away, but it felt like a world separated them. He looked so concentrated and serious. The bruises that decorated his body didn't seem to bother him at all. In fact, it only made him look stronger, like he had been through Hell and was still fighting.

 

    _Why can't I do that? Why am I so weak? What's wrong with me?_

 

     The tears begged to come again, but Hinata fought them back.  _No more. I can do this._

 

     He stood up too fast and stumbled, almost falling. Everyone's eyes snapped to Hinata. Tsukki had just been about to serve, but paused. The whole gym was still, and it felt like every eye was on him. The mesmerizing moment passed quickly as Tsukishima hit the serve, starting a rally again and pulling eyes off of Hinata. He mentally thanked Tsukki, whether this distraction had been intentional or not. 

 

     Now, the problem was in taking a step. Standing up had been hard enough, but he knew that trying to move more from here was going to hurt much more. Hinata cautiously shuffled to Ukai, trying to look as strong and put together as possible. "Please coach, put me in the game. I'm ready." He tried to make a smile that didn't look like a wince.

 

     Ukai studied him as if he were trying to see deep into Hinata's mind, and if he was actually prepared to play. Takeda sensei glanced warily between the coach beside him and the battered and broken boy standing in front of them.

 

     "Okay."

 

     Takeda's mouth fell open in utter disbelief. There was no way Hinata could play volleyball in his current state. It looked like he could hardly stand. Takeda considered voicing this to Ukai, but stopped when Hinata's sad and betrayed eyes caught his attention. 

 

     Ukai had Hinata do a short warm up in the sidelines, which Hinata was thankful for. It hurt horribly at first, but began to subside slowly as he kept moving. Hinata took a ball and hit it off the wall to practice a few receives before getting on the court. 

 

     "Ah!" He yelped as the ball made contact, bounced and rolled away.  _Stupid. How could you forget?_  He'd been so concerned in making sure he could walk without giving himself away that he'd forgotten the sorry state of his arms. Though they didn't shine red anymore, they still felt raw from struggling and having the tape torn off them. Among that were about a dozen small bruises, positioned in a way that made receiving feel completely impossible. Hinata almost started crying again out of hopeless frustration.  _No. Don't let him win. You can still fight. If you give up,then he wins. He can take your pride, your first kiss, and even your virginity, but he can't take volleyball away._

 

     The chant circled in his head as he made his way back to the bench. After a few serves on either side, Ukai switched him with Tanaka. As their hands were pressed together, his senpai smiled down at him proudly. "I'm glad you're feeling better. Let's kick their asses!" It felt good. There was no pity in his tone, just belief and pride. It made Hinata feel strong.

 

     "Osu!"

 

     He knew the stares were still there, he could feel them, but this manufactured strength was enough to hold him up. He could keep standing as long as his team was beside him. 

 

     He took his place at the righthand corner up by the net. He had Daichi, Asahi, and Nishinoya behind him and Tsukishima and Kageyama guarding the net beside him. This felt like a really strong configuration. A glimmer of pride shined in his heart to be part of something so strong, so reliable. _I can do this. **We** can do this. _

 

     The first rally caught Hinata off guard. It felt like it started before his brain could even follow it. Everything seemed slow and fast at the same time, like he could see the world fall apart, but he'd always be too slow to stop it. It ended quickly with the ball slamming into the court a few feet behind Hinata.  _My fault._

 

     There was a strong pat on his shoulder that knocked him off balance. "Don't mind!" He turned to see Daichi smiling at him brightly. He wished it could help him feel better, but a swirl of guilt began deep in his stomach. 

 

     Hinata smiled weakly. The whistle blew and they quickly reassumed position, Hinata minutely aware of the pain that slight crouching caused him. 

 

     An explosion sounded behind him, and he heard Nishinoya grunt. He actually received it! Hinata was shocked he could even receive a serve like that without his arms flying off. Amazing.

 

     "It's up!"

 

     "It's their chance ball!"

 

     He could see them setting up to have Ushiwaka spike. Hinata resigned to have it as another point to Shiratorizawa, but a flash of blond sprang from his right.

 

     "Nice, Tsukishima! One touch!" Even apathetic Tsukki kept his strength now. Hinata wanted to smile. Karasuno really has become amazing. 

 

      Daichi received the ball skillfully and Shiratorizawa adjusted accordingly. Ushijima towered in front of Hinata, with Tendou marking Tsukishima. He had a scowl on his face, and Hinata could only imagine the smug look Tsukki was returning. Still, their blocking configuration was strong.

 

      _Crap! Crap!_  Hinata's eyes flicked back and forth in panic, and he caught Kageyama's calm and sure stare, telling him exactly what they needed to do.  _If everyone's also trying their best, I can't let them down!_

 

      Kageyama reflected the ball off his fingertips perfectly and gracefully as ever. He looked at Hinata with eyes that completely believed and trusted him. He felt power swell in his chest. Hinata reached up, sprang forward.... and found himself staring at the ceiling?

 

      He turned his head to see the ball bounce slightly as it rolled off the court.  _...What?_

 

      "Hinata!"

 

      "Oh my god..."

 

     The faces of his teammates appeared about him, surrounding him. They all looked so concerned. _What happened?_ Hinata wanted to say something, but the wind had been knocked out of him. Kageyama grabbed his hand and pulled him into a sitting position. 

 

     Between gasps, Hinata finally managed to say, "I'm. Fine." Suga gave something halfway between a grimace and a smile, like he was glad Hinata was alright, but also that he didn't quite believe him. There was a desperate, strangely motherly air about him that he wanted to drag Hinata back to the bench and fuss over him.

 

      "Really, I'm fine. I can play, I just slipped." To be honest Hinata had no idea what happened. He was suddenly about to jump and then...

 

      Now that the pain of falling was subsiding, Hinata became acutely aware of another pain originating from down lower. _Is that why..?_ Hinata tried to move to stand, but gasped at the sudden sharp stab. It felt like he was tearing apart. It hurt so bad Hinata began to wonder if he was bleeding again. 

 

     He squeezed Kageyama's hand tighter. Kageyama looked at him urgently, sensing that Hinata needed to tell him something. But there was no time. Now that he could see Hinata was okay, the referee was trying his best to get the game started again as quickly as possible. 

 

     That's when he saw it. Ushiwaka towered over him, staring down at Hinata mercilessly from the opposite side of the net. He looked disappointed, but as if he didn't truly expect anything more from Karasuno. Hinata seethed. He wanted so badly to live up to what he'd said that day.  _"From the concrete," dang, that was so cool! I wanna push that in his smug, scary face._ But in his current state, he knew he couldn't live up to his words. He was slower, it hurt to move, and it seemed like he wouldn't even be able to jump to do his quick with Kageyama. Again, he squeezed Kageyama's hand and bit back tears. 

 

      "What? Are you okay?" Kageyama's eyes searched Hinata's face. 

 

      Hinata leaned forward to whisper in Kageyama's ear. "Can you help me up, but make it look like you aren't?"

 

      "What?"

 

      "Help me stand up. I don't know if I can."

 

      Kageyama glared, but it seemed more concerned than angry. "You can't stand up? You shouldn't be playing if you can't even stand. You're gonna get hurt." Kageyama looked in Suga's direction and Hinata panicked.

 

      "No!" He grabbed Kageyama's shirt and pulled him closer to whisper again. "I promise, I'm fine. Once I'm up I know I'll be fine. Please, just let me play."

 

      Kageyama looked at Hinata for a long time. Hinata's heartbeat pounded away in his ears till it became the only thing he could hear. After a moment, Kageyama stood gracefully and pulled Hinata up with him in one swift motion. It was surprising, and Hinata had to bite his lip to hold back a yelp. As they went back to ready position, Hinata took a quick glance behind him to the floor. He sighed in relief.   _No blood. Thank god!_

 

      This rally went by quickly too, but Hinata was able to follow it better. In the end, Hinata was used as a decoy while Tsukishima hit the ball over as a feint, securing their point. Hinata wondered if Kageyama had avoided using him on purpose.

 

      Hinata gripped the ball nervously, about to serve. With the nervous energy piled inside, his first was released too fast and just hit the net. As for his second, he wanted to play it safe and poffed in a soft underhand. Big mistake. With an opponent of this level, Hinata felt he should have expected it, but watching his serve be taken so easily and transformed into a perfect three point attack hurt. He felt a sting of worthlessness as the ball was pounded into Karasuno's side of the court.

 

      The whistle blew and he shakily stepped forward to his spot. Faintly, he could hear his teammates telling him, "don't mind, don't mind," but the words wouldn't go through. Through the guilt of bringing his team down, through the shame of being a disgusting, used whore, it didn't feel like anyone could save him. 

 

      He could see Kageyama keep looking back over his shoulder again and again, like he wanted to communicate something. Hinata felt like he was just wanting to come back and yell at him for being worthless.

 

_Piii!_  Hinata's eyes rose at the sound of the whistle. He feigned something close to concentration, staring at Shiratorizawa's current server. 

 

     Very suddenly, the ball whistled by him and landed very near to the line, but in. 

 

      The whistle blew again and the score was updated. They were kind of close, but Shiratorizawa had taken a 2 point lead with that shot. Again,the whistle marked the start of another rally. This time, the ball slammed into Hinata's forearms but  flew outside the lines. 

 

_Piii!!_  He sighed in frustration at the second point lost. It was his fault. Because of Hinata's weakness, Oikawa had been able to have his way with the smaller boy. Because of Hinata's weakness, the mentality of his team was crumbling when it needed to be stronger that it's ever been. 

 

      And, because of Hinata's weakness, this guy was targeting him. His stomach turned, but he couldn't feel anger for the opponent server. All he could feel was guilt. 

 

      The whistle blew and the server began to set up to attack again, but Hinata's mind was swimming. Trying to focus while also trying not to hate himself proved very difficult. It almost felt like he wasn't even there. He was just floating in a muddled storm in his mind while his body swayed weakly on the court, a complete separation. He scanned the crowd for a kind face, something to pull him back to earth, anything. _Yachi-san? Tanaka Neechan? Anyone, please.._

 

      And that's when he saw it.

 

      That disgustingly smug face. He was wearing glasses but that man was unmistakable. The man who's face would forever be burned into his subconscious. He must have seen Hinata's terror, because his lips pulled back into a terrible grin. Just seeing that made his stomach drop.

 

_I have to get out of here! He's going to hurt me!_  The thought came but his body was frozen from fear and from pain. Oikawa's smile grew at the sight of Hinata's helplessness. But then, Hinata realized. Oikawa wasn't here to finish him off.

 

      Hinata may have survived and escaped, but his body was frail and weak. His soul was shattered. And his team was scared and confused. No, Oikawa wasn't here to beat him.

 

      Because he'd already won.

 

      Suddenly, Hinata's vision exploded into lights and stars. The ball had hit him square in the face at full force. Hinata's body flew backwards and his head connected with the hard gym floor. He couldn't hear or see a thing, but he could barely feel the pounding of footsteps as his team surrounded him. Even that sensation began to fade, and only one final thought surfaced before Hinata was completely swallowed away by unconsciousness.

 

    _Oikawa won._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry this took so long! I've been so busy these few months its ridiculous. Doing college apps, essays, my job, hosting exchange students, I barely had any time to myself ;-; I used to use my free time to work on this story, but it came to the point where I'd just use it to take small naps before my next task.
> 
> Anyways, I finally found time to finish this chapter, and now that the early action deadline has passed I'll have more time I can give to writing! hopefully not too many people gave up on this story in fear it would never be updated. I'm here! And I'm sorry!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! There's more on the way!
> 
> Please leave kudos if you liked it and comment your feedback!


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